THIS YEAR, FOCUS ON WHAT TRULY MATTERS

Like you, the new year fills me with hope and a sense of endless possibilities. Every year, in that state of heightened emotions, I usually make the same mistakes, which sets me up for failure before the year even begins.

Allow me to share with you the three mistakes I make every year and which I’m determined to not repeat this year.

NOT MINDING THE (EMPATHY) GAP

It took me a while, but I finally understand the fatal flaw in my New Year planning. When we’re in a heightened state of emotion — positive or negative — it affects our ability to think and to prepare adequately for the future. There’s an empathy gap between our present and future selves. When we are depressed or going through hard times, for example, it’s hard to imagine brighter days although we have a 100% track record of surviving dark days. When we’re hungry, we overspend on groceries because we misjudge our future needs. And when we set goals and new year resolutions, we overestimate our ability to follow through because we’re filled with hope and a sense of endless possibilities. As a result, we make a laundry list of goals and promises that we find impossible to fulfill once we lose our high.

This year, I want to deploy empathy for my future self. I want to remind myself of the stress of having a list of goals so long that it cripples us. I want to leave room for the unexpected. I want to account for all the things that are competing for my attention. This year, I want to prioritize and set fewer goals because all goals are not created equal.

NOT PRIORITIZING CORRECTLY

Every year, I forget that our possibilities might be endless, but our resources are finite. Any planning we do should account for this constraint. There are two finite resources I usually forget to account for: time and energy.

First, our time is limited. It puts an expiration date on our days, bodies and lives. It therefore also limits what we can accomplish. Second, like possibility, energy might be infinite but our ability to harness it is finite. These two limitations highlight the importance of prioritizing how we choose to allocate our time and energy. But the question remains. What should we prioritize?

It’s often hard to see through the thick fog of our commitments and ambitions that our health and happiness are the most important things in our lives. We often make the miscalculation to mortgage our happiness and health in pursuit of other goals. But as the sick and the rich remind us often, nothing is more important than our health and happiness. And as you struggle to decide what to prioritize this year, I want to offer this reminder.

CONFUSING GOALS AND OUTCOMES

The last miscalculation I make is to confuse goals and outcomes. An outcome is a desired result. A goal should be a SMART– specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and time-bound. The relationship between outcomes and goals is that outcomes are results and goals are the steps that deliver our desired outcomes.

Most of us struggle because we mistake goals for outcomes. To be healthier or happier is an outcome, not a goal. And at face value, to gain 20 pounds by December 2023 seems to be a SMART goal, but this is still an outcome. Gaining 20 pounds isn’t actionable since you can’t directly affect the outcome. You can’t just gain 20 pounds — or just be healthier or happier for that matter. But you can take steps towards those desired outcomes.

So break down your desired outcomes into smaller actionable goals like drinking a gallon of water per day, meditating 10 min every day, exercising 3 times each week, having a date night weekly, etc. Focusing and acting on the things we can directly control is the only way to actually get what we want.

Ultimately, if our health and happiness are what matter most, and if our time and energy are finite resources, then we should organize our lives to be happier and healthier. Anything that doesn’t directly contribute to making us happy and healthy should be squeezed into the spaces left open, not the other way around.

To claim that we do not have time to work toward our most important goals — whether to exercise, meditate or cook a healthy meal — is to completely lack clarity and perspective. This year, may we all find the clarity and perspective required to not lose sight of what truly matters.

Happy New Year 2023!