THE ART OF CREATING AND LEADING GREAT CONVERSATIONS
Great conversations don’t just happen. They are created. And it’s an art. It’s an act of co-creation between two or more people.
I’ve conducted over 50 interviews over the past few years for my podcast Empathy-Led, my Instagram live series called LEAP, and in my last job as the host of a show called The Wingate Way.
It doesn’t make me Oprah or Larry King but I want to share five of the lessons I’ve learned from those experiences about leading and creating great conversations.
BE A GREAT LISTENER
You already knew this was going to be at the very top of the list. It’s a cliche for a reason. Unless you hear someone, unless you listen intently and actively, how could you possibly have a great conversation? To be a great listener you must empty your mind and find stillness. You must quiet the chatter of your mind and suspend your judgment because the noise gets in the way. Listen to understand, not to respond.
STRIVE TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON THE HERO
My goal is always for my guests to appear in the best possible light, and we should set the same intention for everyday conversations. I want their stories to be heard; their personalities to come out; their best qualities to be revealed. I want them to feel smart and interesting. If they tell a story I’ve heard before I let them tell it anyway to not rob them of the joy of sharing something they’re excited to share. And whenever there’s a genuine opportunity to compliment them, I take it.
ASK GREAT QUESTIONS
The best questions are those that cause introspection, evoke emotions, or stimulate the intellect. Questions that originate from your counterpart’s last or earlier points make them feel heard. Follow up questions like these also help us to avoid making assumptions. We shouldn’t assume we know what another person means– two people that say Happiness do not always mean the same thing, so ask clarifying questions. Lastly, adding context to your questions, like leading with one of your beliefs, helps to guide the conversation and build connection.
PARAPHRASE WHAT YOU’VE HEARD
Nothing makes people feel heard and seen in a conversation better than repeating back to them what you heard them say. It’s not always organic to say What I heard you say is… Instead, I usually do it in the form of a lesson, a take away or a compliment. “What I learned about that is…” “Two takeaways for…” “I love it, especially the part…”
LEAD WITH CURIOSITY
Everyone has a story worth listening to. And when we lead with curiosity we invite people to entrust us with theirs. Set out to know the other person’s story– who they are; their fears, hopes, dreams and insecurities. Seek to understand their worldview– the beliefs about themselves, the world and their place in it– as well as the experiences that shaped that worldview.
Ultimately, the key to great conversation is empathy. It’s doing your best to truly see and hear other people so you can understand them and their story. It’s creating an environment and the conditions for them to open up and entrust you with that story in the first place. It’s being present enough to hear their truth unencumbered by the chatter of your mind and untainted by your judgment and biases. Great conversation is about connection, being curious enough to understand others’ worldview and still hear and see yourself in their humanity despite your differences.
